"Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I was wondering if u wanted to meet in London this week to do swapsies? I've got your keys and you've got my dvds X"
That was the nail in the coffin, the floodgates opened and I cried for the first time in years. She is ready to move on and she doesn't even seem bothered. I guess I'm finding it hard to understand how her feelings changed for me so quickly....She couldn't have really loved me in the first place. The pain was bad yesterday, but today it is even worse knowing that she's never going to change her mind and come back to me. I replied telling her I'll mail her stuff back and to throw my stuff away, I can't see her right now.
What you need to understand is that this wasn't just a crush, she's been my best friend since I was 17 and was a big part of my life through every year. To suddenly have her yanked away from me like this feels like she's taken a huge part of me with her, I'm not even half the man I was before. We'd made future plans, she was meant to be the girl I marry and start a family with. I've just finished a Masters degree and the grades I've got have been some of the best of my academic career, and it's down to her. Whenever I felt lazy, I thought "This degree isn't just for me, its for my future with her. I have to do well for my career so I can support her and our future family". She believed in me and encouraged me all the way through this year, and now she's gone I'm completely disorientated. I just don't see the point in anything right now; she's out of my life and she's never coming back. You work hard all your life for a career and all the material things, but what is life all about? Our goal in life is to add to the gene-pool (at a primitive level), find a woman and fall in love then start a family. I'm failing at this aspect of life, making all my other achievements irrelevant. I know I'll find another woman eventually, but they won't be her....She was special, any other woman will be a step down.
Women think that men usually get over break-ups by going out drinking with their friends and finding a a rebound for a casual-sex encounter. That's nonsense; When a man truly loves the girl who leaves him, any thought of another woman makes them feel sick. I won't be going drinking, and as for women I'm taking a long hiatus from all of them. I doubt I'll ever fully trust another woman again, they've let me down too many times. As for casual-sex it seems pointless, once a man see's how beautiful a relationship is when the woman you love loves you back then meaningless sex with girls you don't care about simply is of no use.
My best friend insists on coming down to visit me this coming weekend, if anyone can help get me out of this slump it's him. We won't be going out to bars or clubs; It will be a night of films, playstation and plenty of whisky. I hope I can get myself together before then, because at the moment I can literally break down at any moment. If someone else was writing this blog and I was reading it I'd probably be thinking the same thing you are now; "God this guy is pathetic, be a man and stay strong!". People who have been through what I'm going through right now know that that's easier said than done, I wish I could be strong but I don't have the energy. One of the only things that this woman didn't cripple in me is my pride, and I haven't harassed her begging her to reconsider or anything. When she sent the text above I had already deleted her number, and will continue to do so for any future attempts to contact me. Any female that reads this: If you break a guy's heart, just leave him alone. Don't text him apologising or any of that, because it hurts him more. Time is a great healer, but it can't work it's magic if the culprit is still in the scene. This girl actually hopes that one day we can go back to being friends, what a silly request. She knows me better than anyone; Once someone hurts me and I get over the initial hurt, I become full of hate bitterness and resentment. There is no future for me and her at any level, I will never see this woman again I can guarantee this.
I knew she was going to end it and thought I'd adequately braced myself for the impact....lol, not even close. She'd been cold with me all last week, she didn't reply to one of my texts and we went from multiple calls a day to just one call late in the evening. Even then her voice was different; She didn't have the same excitement she usually had when she heard my voice, she stopped calling me "babe" or "darling", and she stopped saying "I love you" at the end of calls. If you really love someone then you'd think about what effect your actions have on your partner, she clearly didn't think about how being that way would hurt me. I respect her feelings and that this is what she wants, but I would have respected her more if she told me straight at the start of the week what she was feeling instead of making me feel like I did something wrong. "I needed time to think about if this was what I really wanted" she claims....everything's always about her!! Never mind about my feelings.....BITCH!!! Wow, I think I've just felt something......Anger......
23AH
P.s. I made the mistake of listening to this song right now and it almost made me slit my wrists. Guys who are in my position, do not click on this link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1kzG9Ld1kI
4 years later how does the story end? Have you meet someone that made you forget about the hurt this woman put you though? Has she opened your eyes to see that not all women are wearing a mask and waiting for the right time to take it off and break your heart and watch your life come to a stop? Or Have you had many dates? But, promised yourself years ago that love you would not dare fall; so you leave her before she leaves you???
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