Turning a corner

I slept like a baby for the first time in over a week last night, 10 hours! It was definitely much needed and went a long way to improving my mood. She's still in my dreams....That will pass in time, but at least the tears have stopped flowing. I believe I've turned a valuable corner in my road for recovery, I'm of course still hurting but I'm not yearning for her to return as much as before. I'm feeling like making changes to aid my recovery; Buying new clothes, I'm keeping the beard that I always shaved off for her and I'm finally going to look in to getting a tattoo I've always wanted. I'm officially moving on :)

I'm already learning things from this failed relationship that I'll remember for the rest of my life. In my previous posts I referred to my ex in not such glowing words, but in reality that was my fault. She treated me badly no doubt, but only because I let her get away with it. No one in this world should allow anyone to make them feel worthless or flawed. It is a sign of low self-esteem when you stay with someone who takes you for granted and doesn't appreciate you; Deep down you're scared that if you lose them that no one else with love you. Looking back I fell in to this category and because of it I put up with way more bullsh*t than I should have. You see, I've always been able to get female attention when I've really wanted it. I'm good looking, above average height, intelligent and I walk tall. I've picked up women from bars and clubs on too many occasions to count, you'd imagine that would feed a man's ego and make him super-confident but it never did for me. The fact of the matter was that the moment I liked a girl and I spent time with them outside of the bedroom and they got to me, things always went pear-shaped. Outside of sex and initial attraction, women have never wanted much more from me. Before my ex came along....She adored me and believed I was way too good for her. We walked together hand-in-hand and her pride could be seen through the whole of London. No girl has ever been that way with me, and I was scared sh*tless of her leaving me and me not being able to find another woman who saw these qualities in me. So every time she started acting up I'd tell myself "Put up with it, you won't find another girl who loves you as much as she does". Foolish, foolish man I was. There's nothing wrong with me, I've simply had bad luck with women (or maybe I've been looking in the wrong places). It's important that you never lose your self-worth in relationships; Go in to every single one of them knowing what you will and won't put up with, and don't bend for any reason! If she's a good person she'll look back when she's grown up at how she treated me and feel ashamed, and I'll always resent myself for allowing it to happen.

A flatmate recommended me signing up to a dating website to "have a browse at the talent" as a means of helping my recovery. I signed up for all of 30 minutes before shutting down my account, I'm no where near ready to even entertain a new woman. There's an old f*ck-buddy who text me with her condolences and basically saying if I need a no-strings-attached rebound she's happy to provide her services....lol, it made me chuckle for the first time in days! I'm going to be alright ladies and gentlemen :) I've made such progress today that I don't really want to go in to too much detail about my relationship with my ex, in fear of reverting back to being sad and moody. Have a good evening people, I'll have more for you tomorrow as always. Stay classy

23AH